I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
