She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
