So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
