Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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