the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
