i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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