Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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