So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
