So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
