i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm always down for nudity.
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