I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
