I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
