butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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