Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
