weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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