Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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