so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
