I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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