My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
