Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
