Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
