Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
