I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
