Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
