WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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