I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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