i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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