he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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