You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
