I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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