she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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