I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
