I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
