So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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