he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
