I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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