i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
