Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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