If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
