he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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