That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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