There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
