He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
