Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
