he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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