you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
