remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
