My nipple is on Facebook.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
