Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
