eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
PS: I just woke up from my shower
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
