hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
