I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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