I wish I could teleport
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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