I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
