How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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